“May we live like the lotus, at home in the muddy water.” — Judith Lasater
It’s the third week of January, but a lot of you may still be thinking about resolutions. With the last several years we've collectively experienced and all that is happening in the world, who really knows what this one will bring?
I don't make resolutions. Instead, I set intentions. Here's why.
Resolutions are about one end goal. I will lose ten pounds. I will learn to play the ukelele (seriously, I will). I will be a better person.
What if, despite loads of effort you don't meet said goal? It might be easy to see it as a failure.
You might feel self-judgment, as in "Because I didn't meet my goal. I failed."
But here's the thing. If you don't meet a goal, it doesn't mean you failed. It doesn't mean you are a failure. All it means is this: You didn't meet your goal.
That's it.
Intentions on the other hand, are not about a final destination or goal that may (or may not) lead you to a sense of failure culminating in self-judgement.
Intentions are guideposts that support you in working through challenges or obstacles.
They can potentially help you make decisions based on your values and overarching desires. They can remind you of the big picture you want for your life.
Ultimately, they are a much more useful tool than making resolutions or setting goals.
So take a few moments to sit quietly. Consider the larger, deeper things you'd like to have in your life this year.
Let a word or two come to the surface, perhaps something like Love or Connection or Freedom.
Those are my actual intentions for the year.
As I move through 2022, should a challenge arise, such as a strong disagreement with a close friend (these do happen!), I plan to circle back to my intentions -- love, connection, freedom.
I might ask myself: how can I meet them with love, while still maintaining our connection?
How can I behave in a way where I am supporting us to feel free and vulnerable enough to say what we each need to say?
And, how can we work together in a way that will soften this moment while buoying our friendship for the longer term?
See what I'm getting at?
This approach is very different from thinking about how to merely resolve a conflict.
It's resolving a conflict on your terms, in a manner that is aligned with your values.
Using intentions in this way keeps you connected and grounded to who you are. Intentions are powerful reminders of who you want to be and how you want to live.
So if you're someone who doesn't make resolutions, that's okay! Be a person who sets intentions instead.
May you find greater love, connection and freedom in the year ahead. Now go and set some intentions for yourself, if you haven't already.
Peace.